A Christmas Poem by Driver C. Page, Wimbledon Park

‘Twas the night before Christmas and across the South West,
All trains were in their depots and their crews home at rest.
But up on a roof in a small town called Ashstead,
Sat a Fat Man with a sleigh, its battery dead.
Moaned he “With the recession I’ve had to budget.
So back in February I told the reindeer to shove it.
What with the money that I saved on the hay,
I paid out to Siemens for an electric sleigh.
But when I take power, it arcs and cuts out.
I’d have expected better from something built by the Krauts!”.
At this point a drunk man appears with a totter;
Full of pre-Crimble sherry, it’s half cut H. Potter.

He slurs “I’ll help deliver your presents while it’s dark.
But hurry, we must get to Wimbledon Park!
I’ll assemble a crew of our finest men; we’ll work for 6 hours 30 and then
We’ll get something to eat and rest 40 minutes,
(To obey Mr Hiddens’ strict safety limits)”.
So they made their way over to SW19,
They picked out a train that was red, shiny and clean.

They opened the doors and loaded each gift
Then sprinkled some magic dust – the train started to lift
And soon a 455 soared high in the sky
On a mission to prevent each child asking why
(Despite behaving and being good for a year)
Santa had decided to confirm the child’s worst fear
That they wouldn’t receive bikes or dolls or FIFA Football
Instead their stockings weren’t filled at all.

But desperate to make sure this would not be the case,
Santa, Potter and crew cracked on and made haste.
They were done before sunrise & no one would know
About the faulty sleigh that would not run in the snow.
The worlds Christmas spirit was safe and alive,
And it was all down to a trusty old 455.
So the world sang carols about snow, holly, and ivy.
But never about how Santa swopped red for a High-V.

Yes, I agree with you lot – Chris should spend his break times eating sandwiches and not writing daft poems. One worries that he is, at regular intervals, allowed access to heavy machinery, sharp things and The Vote. Having said that, I thought it was rather good.

So all that remains for me to do, dear readers, is to wish both of you a very Merry Christmas and a Flourishing and Bountiful New Year.

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